I'm very close to 3 years since my last drink, but your story stirs up powerful memories. Sometimes I still say "Fuck it", though these days it's not equivalent to me submitting to alcohol; just my fondness of f-bombs.
I hope you find stories and resources here to inspire you. There are numerous paths to follow these days. The field of addiction and recovery is evolving and struggling people now have more options that are reaching more people, leading to more successful outcomes.
Best wishes and thanks for sharing your story. Please continue to document your journey here! 💪