My experience with alcohol and relapse after nearly a lifetime of addiction

Finding sobriety the hard way

I remember coming to, surrounded by my closest circle of people. We were all in the bathroom of my friend’s house, which was a distance from town and a perfect party house because we could drink with my with friend’s parents’ consent. I was 16 years old and apparently my party companions discovered me unconscious outside near a lawn chair, with a huge cut along my eyebrow. I had no idea what was going on, but they assured me that they were taking care of me. They patched me up and put me to bed, where I passed back out immediately. Hours later when I finally woke up, I realized I had blacked out again. (The first time I recall blacking out was at a keg party when I was 14.) Nobody knew what happened and this wound should have been stitched and treated medically, but my friends had to improvise and they did the best they could. I still have the scar, and before that wound was half healed I would go on to singlehandedly drink my first fifth of Jack Daniels and black out again.

Lately I’ve been reflecting more than at any point in my life. I keep replaying my story and I’m discovering a lot. This reflection is a necessary part of addiction recovery, as I have come to understand, however it also seems to be a natural part of the process. I haven’t read up on how to do it or made a conscious decision to embark on a voyage of reflection, it’s just happening for me naturally and it’s pretty enlightening. It sucks too, because I’m discovering some unpleasant shit. The path I’ve taken…