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WHEN FRUSTRATION AND ADVERSITY BECOME TOO MUCH
An unanticipated relationship with self-harm
Over the last 3 years, I’ve been getting better at keeping my thoughts from wandering too much, but I’m still a novice when it comes to the mindfulness/meditation thing. Fortunately, there have been some noticeable benefits since I’ve started meditating, and keeping my thoughts out of the past is one of them. However, memories still surface unexpectedly, usually from mini traumas caused during my periods of active addiction. I’ve spent a considerable amount of time journaling as I recovered. Still, sometimes feelings and memories will come out of nowhere, and recently, a memory flashed by that made me realize I went through something years ago that I’ve kept to myself. Until I clicked publish on this article, this part of me was 100% private. I decided to write about it to offer support to others and bring attention to something I barely understand myself.
I went into a pretty bad place psychologically after a felony child endangerment/DUI arrest in 2000. It turned out that getting pulled over with my minor child in the car, while under the influence, wasn’t just reckless and dangerous, but it was also some pretty life-wrecking shit. I was faced with more legal trouble than I knew how to cope with, which included 15 weekends in jail. I was horrified at the thought of having to serve time in jail, and self-medicating my way…
